SummerTime...

...and the livin's easy. ♫ (classic Sublime song)

ORRR...not so much. 

Wow. This year has been a rock hard one so far.  If you've known me or followed me over the past 5 years of my life, you know I've struggled with emotional UPs and downs through this period of my life.  Unfortunately, this year has been leaning toward the lower end of that scale.

The depression hole
from the Abilify commercial

I hate even dwelling on it and talking about it.  But most of my readers know me well enough by now to know that when I don't write, I am usually struggling and not really capable of being social and open.  And then when I feel like I'm able to tear down some of those emotional walls and have a breakthrough, I suddenly want to talk to people and be around them and care more openly about them, like I haven't seen them in years, which is almost exactly what it feels like... and I want to blog again too.  I enjoy being able to open up.  I miss it and feel guilty for not really being able to.  The dark hole of depression is an ugly one that I would not wish on anybody.  It's a constant battle to fight it, especially after going through some tough experiences that would naturally make anyone struggle and feel sad.  But the fight makes me stronger, and I'm able to stay afloat for longer periods of time.  One day, I will be able to climb out of that hole for good and lock him in a dungeon somewhere really deep and far away...
...and I will throw away the key. Muwahaha!


ENDURANCE.  It's a subject I've developed a fascination for.  Dictionaries and Encyclopedias online define it as:

1. The ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions. 
2. The power of bearing pain or hardships. 
3. Lasting quality. 
4. The ability to exert oneself for a long period of time. 
5. And my personal favorite: Usually used in aerobic exercise. ;)

As a believer in exercise, I understand the need for endurance training to help improve the condition of the body.  But I also believe firmly that it's as much of a mental endurance as it is a physical endurance to hold those 15 pound handweights with your biceps contracted for at least 30 seconds or longer, or to drop down and give me 20!, and then pop into and hold the plank position for at least 60 seconds.  Yeah baby!...being in a good mood brings out the Jillian in me. 

So, naturally, those that learn to endure physically often have a lot more lasting quality in their mental endurance as well.  A recent episode of the show "Take the Money and Run" shows an example of this, in my opinion.  To cut to the chase without making you watch the episode, the lazy brother is the one that gives into the interrogators and point blank tells them where the briefcase is, because his mental endurance was gone, while the other brother only grew more confident with each test and learned how to resist the interrogators.


While I've exercised my physical endurance many, many times, I realize that right now my mental endurance, my spiritual endurance, and definitely my emotional endurance are all being trained.  They are becoming stronger with each exercise, despite temporary feelings of weakness after the exerted effort...just like how we feel after a hard workout in the gym.


I want to endure.  And I want to endure it well.  And I want to become more RESILIENT.  I am currently in the refiner's fire portion of my life (and it feels like the really long and drawn out/hard to put out fires), but I know I will come out shinier and stronger than ever!  My beautiful friend, Haylee recently gave me a gift that meant so much to me and has strengthened me several times since then.  It says, "I can do HARD things." And I keep it on the shelf above my computer so I can see it all the time.  

Of course, the PaRTy HaT was a bonus. ;) It was my birthday...Number 28!

Endure on, my friends!!  I will try to keep afloat a little longer this time so I can send more love and sunshine out to my favorite peeps.  But regardless, just know that I sincerely love you all, even if my social capabilities don't always express it as much as I'd like. ♥{Mwah!} til next time.