The Night Before a Life-Altering Day

Here I sit with one day... No, 14+ hours, until I find out the results of this emotional roller coaster experience.  And currently I am ANXIETY CITY.  It could go either way.

I'm not sure I'm ready for this to be conclusive yet.  Of course I want it to work and be able to finally realize my 6+ year long dream of pregnancy!  But there's a real 50/50 chance that things could be negative tomorrow, and I am absolutely terrified of the pain I know I'm going to feel if that's the case.  So therefore I dread finding out.  I would rather be left "blissfully" ignorant, daydreaming about pregnancy and babies.  Of course that leaves me an emotional wreck too, because it's dwelling on an unfulfilled dream/fantasy rather than reality.  And truthfully, I'm ready to get back to reality...no matter what that reality is.  So let's go get this over with!

I hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  Either way tomorrow is a life changing day.  It would be incredibly and amazingly life changing to be pregnant.  It would also be life changing to have our last ditch effort to bring children into this world fail.  I would have to reconsider my purpose in life, my goals, and what I want to do with myself the rest of my life since I can't seem to have children.  But I will think about all of that another day.  For tonight, I just need to rest.  I need to focus on calm-strength and courage to trust in the Lord, no matter what His will ends up being.