Daydreams + the Mental Notebook

I've had a long time to think about this moment in our lives.  A long time to daydream about my future children.  When you've waited as long as I have, you tend to conjure up all sorts of delightful daydreams--some realistic--some not. You daydream about what kind of mother you'll be and what your children will look and be like.  You have a mental notebook, and as you watch other mothers with longing, you take notes about what to do and what not to do and what you hope to accomplish with your children.  How you want to teach them.  What kind of products to buy and how to decorate that 3rd bedroom that has remained empty for far too long.  At times it's been too painful to keep the mental notebook, and I close it for a time.  But as we are going through IVF, I have opened it again... and it's gone HOG WILD on me!

I've been daydreaming A LOT lately.  And it's hard to keep it at bay.  Hope definitely floats. :)

Probably the thing I think about the most is the possibility of TWINS!!  We are seriously crossing our fingers for twins.  More bang for your buck, as they say.  Secretly, I wish for a Boy and a Girl... or just boys would make me equally ecstatic.  The thought of having ONE girl makes me happy.  But heaven help me if I ended up with TWO... as in TWIN GIRLS. {Scary!!}

It's all so fun and exciting to daydream about!  We will be overjoyed and beyond belief no matter what the outcome.  And it feels so close, I can almost taste it!  It's hard not to assume it's going to work.  I just feel like everything is in place for it to.  It feels like it's time.  Either way, I know this is the Lord's will for us to do this at this particular time.  He has opened so many doors for us and made this possible.  It feels so right and good.  I even feel happy!  In times past as we've started various treatments, I mostly felt dread.  Of course I was hopeful, but I think I just kind of knew all along that we would eventually need to do IVF, and IUI was just a prep phase--an experience I had to go through.  And I dreaded the emotional roller coaster ride and the extreme heartbreak at the end of it.

For some reason I don't feel worried about that this time.  I feel peace and strength to endure this very involved and intense process.

Bring it on! ☼